Mai thoughts on life

There are people you will never be enough for. They will never say it though and you will just keep giving more and more. More love, more attention, more affection, more everything.

The more you give, the more they want.
The more they want, the more you give.
More time. More energy. More effort.

The more you give, the less they value you.
The less they value you, the more you try.
You try to be understanding. You try to be compassionate. You try to be their safe space.

The more you try, the more they expect.
The more they expect, the guiltier you feel.
Guiltier for not being able to keep up. Guiltier for not being able to put up with their expectations. Guiltier for not being able to satisfy their needs.

The guiltier you feel, the more effort you put into making them happy.
The more effort you put into making them happy, the more you lose yourself.
You lose your dreams. You lose your goals. You lose your interests.

But you are still there. You are not leaving. How could you? You invested so much. So much of yourself into that relationship. Yet you didn’t get the same in return. And it suddenly hits you.

Their lack of effort wasn’t a sign that you should try harder. Or invest yourself more. It was a sign that no matter what you do, it will never be enough for them. You can’t deal with them any longer. At least not without losing yourself completely.

You decide to stop giving your everything and getting nothing in return. You are scared you will lose them. However you can’t keep disappointing yourself. So you stop. And you lose them. But it’s better to lose them than to keep losing yourself.