Mai thoughts on life

I’ve been through it all – I was cheated on, heartbroken, ghosted, hurt, ignored, gaslighted… you name it.

And every time it felt like the end of the world. Every time I thought they were the one and that that’s it for me. Every time I felt like I will never love again. I will either die or remain single for the rest of my life. But I am still here. Still single though. Actually again single. Again going through the whole proces of healing and detaching myself from the person I thought is my forever.

Personal experience is valuable, but listening to other people’s experiences can sometimes save you. They say smart people learn from their mistakes, but wise people learn from the mistakes of others. So don’t be like me. Be wise and learn from my mistakes.

What my failed relationships taught me:

1. Change doesn’t work if it’s not done for yourself and yourself alone. – If you have to change yourself to fit into their life, they are not the one for you. I changed my eating habits, the way I interact with people and even the way I dress for somebody who stopped returning my calls after 6 months. I was losing myself in the process of trying to make them happy. And I didn’t mind, because they were my person. The person who will finally give me my happily ever after. What are few sacrifices compared to the everlasting love. That everlasting love lasted for 6 months. For them at least. They just continued with their life as usual, while I was left stuck between who I really was and who I was trying to be for them. Always be yourself. The right person will know how to appreciate your true self. Don’t be like me. Be wise.
2. Words not being backed up by actions, mean they are stringing you along. – If their words and actions don’t align, they are playing you. Or themselves. Either way, you will end up hurt. I was the love of their life, the girl they were waiting for. We even picked the names for our future children. Until they remembered that they have other priorities and they will just focus of their career instead. So, if the ring ain’t on that finger, don’t start imagining your dream wedding just yet. They are just telling you what you want to hear. Whispering sweet nothings into your ear is not them falling in love with you. It’s just them keeping you hooked until someone better comes along. Someone who will be told the same words. Don’t fall for the words. Pay attention to the actions. Don’t be like me. Be wise.
3. Not ready for a relationship usually means not ready for a relationship with you. – If they are not ready for a relationship, don’t wait up. Stop thinking they will change their mind once they get to know you better. I patiently waited for an embarrassing amount of time only to see them starting a relationship with someone else. It crushed me and made me question my worth. Stop being there for them hoping deep down that they will suddenly realize how great you are and fall in love with you. Giving them your attention and time gets your hopes up only for these hopes to come crushing down. Cut them off. Stop chasing unavailable people and focus your energy on somebody who will actually appreciate your effort. Patience is not always the key. If they tell you they are not ready for a relationship, simply leave. Don’t be like me. Be wise.
4. When time given to you starts to get shorter, time given to someone else starts to get longer. – If you believe that in today’s digitally connected world someone is too busy to find time for you, you are delusional. I gave them the benefit of the doubt when their messages and calls started to get shorter and shorter because their work was crazy and they were just so exhausted. Yet, posting on social media and commenting on other people was worth their time. And then I found out they were back on dating apps. People sometimes get preoccupied with work or family and this is completely understandable. But if you feel like they have time for everything and everyone else but you, take it as a clear sign that they don’t want you. Take your dignity and leave. Don’t stay where you are not wanted. Don’t be like me. Be wise.
5. Having the same argument over and over again is just postponing the inevitable. – If you keep coming back to the same issue and you can’t make it work, you will never be truly happy. I used to have the same discussion every few months in the relationship that lasted for 4 years. I thought they will eventually come around. We seemed to have found a solution, but they kept bringing it up and that showed that they are not okay with it. I stayed and hoped the problem will fix itself with time. It didn’t. It doesn’t have to be a core value that you don’t share with them, it can be just a silly thing. But if both of you are not willing to go out of your way for the other and compromise on certain things, the relationship is doomed. Disagreements are a common factor of every relationship. But also the determinig one. Don’t be like me. Be wise.

When a relationship ends it’s not the end of the world. It ended for a reason. You will love again. So it’s no use crying over spilled milk. Gather experience and try again. Learn from your mistakes. And learn from my mistakes. Next time you’ll do better. You’ll know better. Just try not to make the same mistakes again. And definitelly try not to make my mistakes. Don’t be like me. Be Wise.